After consulting with my blog constituents it has been decided that the best thing for me to do is take my blogging talents to Tumblr. My new LucianUpYourButtons URL is LucianUpYourButtons.tumblr.com .I know this is kind of annoying but it's not that complicated and none of you actually subscribed to this shit yet anyway. Tumblr is easier and more betterer.
Blogspot, not fiyyer, Tumblr, Hot Fiyyer.
New Link
That's where you can get all your Traptastic needs. Sorry for any confusion. Again, this is the new link.
LucianUpYourButtons
Friday, December 10, 2010
TRAP OR DIET
We eatin over here, fuck is ya'll doing?
Cantaloupe Fiasco
Sesame Bun B
Jadaquiche
Ludacrisco
Papoosecous (Good lookin’ Dre Dre)
Sole’ja Boy
Gruyereci Mane
French Onion Soup Dogg
Quiche Murray
Waka Frosted Flakes
Gouda Gouda
Project Beef Patty
Joell OrCheezItz
Styles Peanutbutter and Jelly
Nelly Frittata
MacaGameia Nuts
Raekwonton
Wiz Khaliflower
Red Café Con Leche
The Rutabagas
Shawty Lo Mein
OutKasserole
Pep-C
Timbalamb
Rick Aross Con Pollo
J.Coleslaw
I Tutor The Students
About a week ago I was doing my usual routine of hanging out with nobody in the Kingsborough cafeteria when I got a text from this shawty I know who goes to URI. She had an advertising assignment and was stuck on how to make it reach it's more fiyerr potential. The assignment was to come up with: A) a chocolate bar B) a sales pitch for said chocolate bar C) a video ad implementing said sales pitch about said chocolate bar.
Shawty is a mad good friend from back in the day when I hated cigarettes and she came to me for help so of course I had to think of something. So I told shawty "Yo shawty, don't worry, I gots you." I brainstormed with myself for a minute and hit shawty back with my idea.
Choc-Lock-N-Drop It. The Hip Hop Hershey's. BAOW! Oh you need a sales pitch? Lucian Up shawty, I gots you. Let's say you and all your shawtyz is finna go to the club but DAMN, now one shawty just ain't feeling it. Well luckily for her now there's Choc-Lock-N-Drop It. BAOW! BAOW! BAOW! Problem solved, time to hit the club and gets funky. As for the video, well, I'll let shawty and her shawtyz speak for themselves.
Shawty is a mad good friend from back in the day when I hated cigarettes and she came to me for help so of course I had to think of something. So I told shawty "Yo shawty, don't worry, I gots you." I brainstormed with myself for a minute and hit shawty back with my idea.
Choc-Lock-N-Drop It. The Hip Hop Hershey's. BAOW! Oh you need a sales pitch? Lucian Up shawty, I gots you. Let's say you and all your shawtyz is finna go to the club but DAMN, now one shawty just ain't feeling it. Well luckily for her now there's Choc-Lock-N-Drop It. BAOW! BAOW! BAOW! Problem solved, time to hit the club and gets funky. As for the video, well, I'll let shawty and her shawtyz speak for themselves.
Pawz
With the exception of UNK Jeans, gentrification and Ke$ha the "No Homo"/"Pause" craze might be the worst thing to happen to the urban world in the past decade (I realize Ke$ha isn't exactly urban but she is god awful and is therefore always an acceptable example of things that should never exist). It's an unstoppable movement that has dumbed down our society and annoyed the fuck out of everyone in the process. For those who may not be completely up to speed with all of the UGIs (Urban Gay Insults) let me bestow upon you (pause) a brief history in the world of hip-hop homophobia. It has long been believed that New York City-more specifically Harlem- is the birthplace of the "Pause", "No Homo" movement. It was originally created to give pardon to any words you might have strung together that could be interpreted as batti. No, seriously. Any regular sentence that could potentially have another gay connotation gets a PAUSE.
However my beef with Harlem's Homo Hatred also lies in how it gets used. The constant usage negates the true Power of The Pause. If we pause anything and everything then what do we do when a dude actually makes a legit OD gay comment? Super Pause...? No but really, it takes the oomph out of it if we "No Homo" insignificant, barely gay stuff. Don't pause your boy when he orders a foot long from Subway, but DO pause him when he describes his clam chowder as "warm and creamy in my mouth". See the difference? One is just an unavoidable part of living life but the other is a totally avoidable unfortunate choice of words.
The same principle can be applied to people who use the word "crack" to describe anything that's exceptionally good. "This burger is straight crack yo". Word? That burger is so good and overwhelmingly pleasurable that you'd be willing to sever ties with all friends and family, spend every dollar you've ever accumulated just to wind up blowing a mailman in a bus stop in Red Hook for another one? Nah? So then maybe it isn't really crack. Maybe that burger is just Xanex. Yeah it's pretty good now and you're feeling alright but if you have another one you'll pass out and end up by the toilet all day tomorrow. Pause.
- Examples: "He was busting ass tonight on the court, no homo"
- "I can give you a ride if you want, pause though"
- "Should I meet you upstairs or are you coming down, pause"
However my beef with Harlem's Homo Hatred also lies in how it gets used. The constant usage negates the true Power of The Pause. If we pause anything and everything then what do we do when a dude actually makes a legit OD gay comment? Super Pause...? No but really, it takes the oomph out of it if we "No Homo" insignificant, barely gay stuff. Don't pause your boy when he orders a foot long from Subway, but DO pause him when he describes his clam chowder as "warm and creamy in my mouth". See the difference? One is just an unavoidable part of living life but the other is a totally avoidable unfortunate choice of words.
The same principle can be applied to people who use the word "crack" to describe anything that's exceptionally good. "This burger is straight crack yo". Word? That burger is so good and overwhelmingly pleasurable that you'd be willing to sever ties with all friends and family, spend every dollar you've ever accumulated just to wind up blowing a mailman in a bus stop in Red Hook for another one? Nah? So then maybe it isn't really crack. Maybe that burger is just Xanex. Yeah it's pretty good now and you're feeling alright but if you have another one you'll pass out and end up by the toilet all day tomorrow. Pause.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
I Guess Now I'm a Rapper From Connecticut
Ok bear with me, I'm kind of new to this globbing lifestyle. I don't know how to do everything I want to do. For example, I want to embed this video of me spitting this hot fiyer freestyle in a room full of Connecticut gangstas but I can only post a link. Sure, you can still see the video but it involves actually going to a click a link as opposed to just pushing play. And you know how ADD most fools are these days, even clicking a link is too much effort.
But for those who don't mind going that extra egregious step of clicking a link I have a treat for you. In some sort of Four Loko haze I must've ended up in this bro'd out crib with the most frootyiest of Froot Loops beats bangin in the background and decided to do my Mic Check 1,2 1,2 thing.
It's not actually me but I'd be lying if when I first saw it I was wholeheartedly embarrassed that I had made this video. Then I realized it could never be me: I'm too paid to freestyle.
Although on second watch dude's first line goes:
"If stuntin is a habit you know I'm addicted, I'm a diamond in the dirt whose been found and sifted".
Damn, I must've been fucked up because I don't remember this night at all.
But for those who don't mind going that extra egregious step of clicking a link I have a treat for you. In some sort of Four Loko haze I must've ended up in this bro'd out crib with the most frootyiest of Froot Loops beats bangin in the background and decided to do my Mic Check 1,2 1,2 thing.
It's not actually me but I'd be lying if when I first saw it I was wholeheartedly embarrassed that I had made this video. Then I realized it could never be me: I'm too paid to freestyle.
Although on second watch dude's first line goes:
"If stuntin is a habit you know I'm addicted, I'm a diamond in the dirt whose been found and sifted".
Damn, I must've been fucked up because I don't remember this night at all.
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