Friday, December 10, 2010
Blogspot, not fiyyer, Tumblr, Hot Fiyyer.
That's where you can get all your Traptastic needs. Sorry for any confusion. Again, this is the new link.
We eatin over here, fuck is ya'll doing?
Sesame Bun B
Papoosecous (Good lookin’ Dre Dre)
French Onion Soup Dogg
Waka Frosted Flakes
Project Beef Patty
Styles Peanutbutter and Jelly
Red Café Con Leche
Shawty Lo Mein
Rick Aross Con Pollo
Shawty is a mad good friend from back in the day when I hated cigarettes and she came to me for help so of course I had to think of something. So I told shawty "Yo shawty, don't worry, I gots you." I brainstormed with myself for a minute and hit shawty back with my idea.
Choc-Lock-N-Drop It. The Hip Hop Hershey's. BAOW! Oh you need a sales pitch? Lucian Up shawty, I gots you. Let's say you and all your shawtyz is finna go to the club but DAMN, now one shawty just ain't feeling it. Well luckily for her now there's Choc-Lock-N-Drop It. BAOW! BAOW! BAOW! Problem solved, time to hit the club and gets funky. As for the video, well, I'll let shawty and her shawtyz speak for themselves.
- Examples: "He was busting ass tonight on the court, no homo"
- "I can give you a ride if you want, pause though"
- "Should I meet you upstairs or are you coming down, pause"
However my beef with Harlem's Homo Hatred also lies in how it gets used. The constant usage negates the true Power of The Pause. If we pause anything and everything then what do we do when a dude actually makes a legit OD gay comment? Super Pause...? No but really, it takes the oomph out of it if we "No Homo" insignificant, barely gay stuff. Don't pause your boy when he orders a foot long from Subway, but DO pause him when he describes his clam chowder as "warm and creamy in my mouth". See the difference? One is just an unavoidable part of living life but the other is a totally avoidable unfortunate choice of words.
The same principle can be applied to people who use the word "crack" to describe anything that's exceptionally good. "This burger is straight crack yo". Word? That burger is so good and overwhelmingly pleasurable that you'd be willing to sever ties with all friends and family, spend every dollar you've ever accumulated just to wind up blowing a mailman in a bus stop in Red Hook for another one? Nah? So then maybe it isn't really crack. Maybe that burger is just Xanex. Yeah it's pretty good now and you're feeling alright but if you have another one you'll pass out and end up by the toilet all day tomorrow. Pause.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
But for those who don't mind going that extra egregious step of clicking a link I have a treat for you. In some sort of Four Loko haze I must've ended up in this bro'd out crib with the most frootyiest of Froot Loops beats bangin in the background and decided to do my Mic Check 1,2 1,2 thing.
It's not actually me but I'd be lying if when I first saw it I was wholeheartedly embarrassed that I had made this video. Then I realized it could never be me: I'm too paid to freestyle.
Although on second watch dude's first line goes:
"If stuntin is a habit you know I'm addicted, I'm a diamond in the dirt whose been found and sifted".
Damn, I must've been fucked up because I don't remember this night at all.
Fellow wordsmith and trapstar enthusiast Ben Detrick (You can follow him on the twitter, it's worthwhile @bdetrick) often have BBM convo's where pure lava is spit. I decided to transcribe one of those exchanges.
(Nothing was changed or edited. This is seriously how we speak to each other. It's sickening.)
Me: Susan Lucci Mane
BEN:Lucchi Gotta Crazy
You seen un prophet? Shit is grimy
The lead character is an Algerian looch
Me:I’m not sure I caught anything you just said
Ben:Italian gangster flick called “unprophet”
About a 19 year old Algerian looch-alike
Me:I think you’ve told me about it before
Ben:Nah, this my first time watching it
He also has a big cut on his face
Me: Ah of course. But does he have the streets on click clock?
Ben: Well he’s getting beaten and robbed in jail at the moment
Me: So I guess it’s not exactly my biopic
Gods they sent for me
Me: I got stocks eventually
Guap for centuries
Ben: Glocks a plenty, no crocs on ben’s feet
Me:Docks are friendly, on yachts I met Meech
Ben: Vodka, lemonseed, schnaps, grenadine
Me: Wops break bread with me, pasta heavy cheese
Ben: Squash, celery ensconced in fennel beads
Lulz, this movie has a Nas song.
Me: That was fun.
House stupid dumb big, my rooms got rooms."
That of course is the best line from "Lose My Mind", the song that I guess would've been the single for Jeezy's new album except he doesn't have an actual album. But that's not the point. With that one bar Jeezy instantaneously put himself back on the (Bottom of the) map. That map of course being the blueprint for "stupid dumb stupid rap lines that will now give me ammo to turn into other stupid dumb stupid shit and help time pass by" map.
Thanks Jizzle!! Here we go.
Lake stupid dumb big, my loons got loons
Fungi stupid dumb big, my 'shrooms got 'shrooms
Armed forces stupid dumb big, my platoons got platoons
Solar system stupid dumb big, my moons got moons
Nut family stupid dumb big, my legumes got legumes
Racial slur lexicon stupid dumb big, my coons got coons (just kidding)
Severe Pacific Ocean weather patterns stupid dumb big, my typhoons got typhoons
Exhaust system stupid dumb big, my fumes got fumes
Desert stupid dumb big, my dunes got dunes
Midday stupid dumb big, my noons got noons
And just for "Slick">>> Squad stupid dumb big, my hoons got hoons